How to weigh a pig - In three easy steps

How to weigh a pig...

I get calls from people that want to know how big their pigs are and when they are going to be ready.  I don't have a livestock scale, although if you garage salers out there could keep an eye out for one I'd really appreciate it.  I try to give the best guess thing a try but I really am not all that good at it.  There is a way to measure your pig and calculate the weight but I think that this is meant for pigs that apparently have more training than mine do.

The first thing that the directions tell you to do is to get the pig to stand in a natural stance and relax.  My pigs are pretty laid back, their normal "stance" is on their side in a hole of watery mud.  Once in this position they are not all that inclined to move.  My second option was on all four feet, the only problem there is that if pigs are on their feet they are not usually in a "natural stance" but they are running around digging and, well, moving.  It is hard to convince a pig that is moving to stand still long enough to run a tape measure around their girth (for my dear city friend- the girth is part of the body that is just behind the front legs)   I not only have to run the tape around the girth but it has to be snugged up fairly tight.  Pigs are prey animals.  They don't like anything "snugged up tight" on their bodies. 

My pigs are used to me and they usually just come up to see what I am up to and if I happen to have anything that could be considered a treat.  The second that I go into their field with a string though it is game on.  I found the pig that my customer bought and followed her around until I got her somewhat isolated.  Now pigs are smart...Einstein should have been so smart.  This pig who was named Lucy by my customer knew that something was up and I had to convince her that it wasn't bad and would only take a couple of seconds, 60 at most, of her busy day.  I talked to her, gave her a special treat and pretended that I was just out for a walk.  I scratched her ears and her side and then ever...so...slowly....and...carefully...I gently placed the tape down her side and, still scratching her side, reached for the tape.  With one ear cocked to the side and her eyes slightly squinted with evil thoughts, Lucy was off like a rocket, taking half of the tape with her.  I was left holding the other half of the tape. 

Round two...Hiding the new measuring tape, I isolate Lucy again, and give more treats and scratches.  I try to get her up against the fence in a corner so that it isn't one freakishly smart pig against little old me.  This time I am less sneaky about the tape and as I slowly lean down to grab the end of the tape, Lucy shifts her weight and my arm is now being firmly held between her and the fence...  I am so glad that my pigs are tame.  By the time that I free myself she is very pleased with herself.  After throwing about 12 dozen eggs for her I finally have a girth measurement and a headache. 

The second part of the measurement is the length.  A much easier measurement to get even on the run.  This measurement is from the base of the ears to the base of the tail.  The calculation for the weight is girth squared times the length divided by 400.  

So my dear customer I can tell  you based on my calculations and one hard afternoons work that your pig weighs somewhere between 100 and 400 pounds and will be ready for the freezer sometime between tomorrow and September.   I REALLY need a scale!

The ramifications of selective hearing

I'd like to introduce you to the newest members of the Hindsight Heritage Farm family!   Two of my three does had their first kids.  Penelope had a single doe and Berniece had a nice set of twins, one doeling and one buck.  I like to go with vintage people names for my animals but truth be told, for these guys I was at a loss...nothing seemed to fit.
The day that the first of the three was born, my Granddaughter Audrey, who is "all of her fingers" old (5 to you and me) was visiting.  She was the first to get to see the little bitty goat.  I must have mumbled something out loud about needing to come up with a name for her when Audrey who has the same auto-selective hearing that most kids her age have, heard "Audrey do you want to name the baby goat".  I understand that 5 year old people do not like their creativity stifled by rules of naming or explanations of the word vintage.  Truth be told, vintage to her is not even out of date to me anyway.  This sweet little girl with big blue eyes and soft strawberry blonde hair was so excited at the prospect that in a moment of tenderheartedness I thought to myself...How bad can it be?  My first little doeling was then Christened "Princess Unicorn".  Visions of all things glittery, shimmery and fairy tale like pranced threw my growing headache as I managed to choke out the most obvious of questions "are you sure"?  but by then she had hit the auto-select off button so the name stuck.  
After the other two babies were born, I asked two of my other grand kids for naming ideas.  Hadlee, who has never had a problem with self esteem, decided that there was no better name than hers and so "Hadlee with a Beautiful Dress On" was born...Yup, that is her entire name!  You'd have thought that I would have learned after the Princess Unicorn thing wouldn't you?  Her brother named the little buck Bustard...I wasn't sure if he said Bustard or Bastard but I used my selective hearing to decide what I wanted to hear and so Bustard it is.
I have one goat left to come in and 10 more grand kids.  I brace myself for any number of super heroes and fairy tale creatures.


So with no further ado, I introduce to you (drum roll please)


Hadlee With A Beautiful Dress On - shortened to Hadlee for time and convenience.  She is the little black doe that is on the bottom of picture no. 2.  She won't face the camera but she is just like her brother who is facing the camera.


Bustard - The black one with white ears facing the camera
and 


Princess Unicorn - the little tan one in the back of Bustard in picture no.2  I would like to shorten this name but I am at a loss and NO Princess is NOT an option...maybe Eunice?


The little doe in picture number 1 is an adoptee from an unfortunate home.  I named her Myrna after Myrna Loy...now THAT is vintage!